


Shattered Soul

by ErzaDLaw



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Abortion, Abusive Relationships, Drama & Romance, F/M, Sex, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2019-08-21 16:35:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16580138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErzaDLaw/pseuds/ErzaDLaw
Summary: One stormy night, Bickslow's Babies lead him to a pained soul; however, the person he finds is none other than Lucy Heartfilia.





	1. Chapter 1

Tears fell down Lucy's face as she walked home late one night. She hadn't gone to the guild in a few days and she had told her team that she was sick. She felt bad for lying, but honestly she didn't feel like talking to anyone or everyone asking her about how her now ex-boyfriend was. Natsu was sweet and a good friend, but he was clueless when it came to relationships and he and Happy would probably just make fun of her like they usually do about her crappy love life. Erza was off with Jellal and Gray was off doing god knows what to escape from Juvia. She knew that being around her team would only make her feel worse, because they would expect her to be Happy-Go-Lucky-Lucy-Heartifilia, when right now she wanted to be Girl-Who-Goes-And-Tells-Everyone-To-Go-Fuck-Themselves-Lucy-Heartfilia.

Why did guys have to be such assholes? She thought a late night walk would help her clear her head and for a while it did. Listening to her iPod drowned out the world around her and let her escape into her own imagination, even if it was just for a little bit. But then  _that_  song came on. The one that reminded her of him and the tears started again. What was wrong with her? Why was she crying over someone that broke her heart? Why was she crying over someone that cheated on her? Why did she put up with him for so long to begin with? He made her feel like shit most days because he never complimented her. He constantly had a wondering eye. He was only nice to her when he wanted something. She could help so many other girls in their relationships why did she give so much of herself to someone who didn't deserve it? Why does it hurt so fucking bad?

She tried to gasp for air as she mindlessly followed the path down to her house. She vaguely registered that it was raining and starting to pick up. It was like the world could feel her pain and was crying with her. She just wished the pain would stop. Then before she knew it she was in a full sob again as the pain in her chest and throat intensified. It felt like her heart was actually breaking in her chest, which made her cry all the more.

"Cosplayer?" Lucy suddenly heard someone say her name.

"Cosplayer! Cosplayer!" the recognizable voices of Babies chimed in, but had worry in their mimicked voices.

Lucy tried to wipe her tears away when she looked up and saw Bickslow and his babies standing under an umbrella. God she felt stupid. He had probably seen her breaking down and would never let her live it down.

She felt her nerves surge through her veins when she suddenly felt the rain stop because Bickslow's umbrella now covered her too. She couldn't look at him when the tears started to fall again. Man did she feel like a pathetic idiot.

"Let me walk you home," Bickslow said in a serious voice.

Lucy found that she had suddenly lost the will to speak. Home. It almost seemed like a foreign word. He used to come over and sleep in her apartment. He would make love to her, but now she knew that she was just another girl to fuck and she had meant nothing. How could she go back to being normal again when it felt like he came in and stole who she really was? She became a person that she didn't even recognize anymore.

Suddenly Lucy felt a wooden totem under her hand as it lifted it. She looked at it and recognized that it was the one that Bickslow called Papa. The totems hovered around her almost protectively and hummed, "Home. Home."

She didn't respond but allowed Bickslow and his Babies to walk her home. She wasn't sure if Bickslow had said anything to her, but his Babies kept resting on her shoulder or touching her hand gently. It felt nice. Their touch didn't scare her. It wasn't like she was super close to Bickslow, but he was in her guild which is probably why he felt obligated to walk her home. She just felt so numb and terrified. Her emotions were everywhere.

She looked up at the man escorting her home and could only see that his face was in a frown, because his eyes were hidden under his helmet. She wished that she could have a helmet right now to hide behind. Her chest ached at the idea to such a degree that she thought she was going to throw up on the spot. Her cheeks hurt as she tried to suppress the tears that wouldn't stop no matter what.

* * *

They finally reached her apartment building. Bickslow walked her up the stairs, but it was more like she followed him up the stairs. When they stood outside her door, she couldn't find the urge to touch the handle. She knew that one of his shirts was still draped over her loveseat, his beer was in her fridge, and his body wash was in her shower. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of facing all that again.

"Cosplayer, do you not want to go in?" Bickslow asked quietly.

Lucy shook her head no. The two stood there for a minute and Lucy honestly didn't know what to do. What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn't she even think straight? Where the past two years of her life a complete waste of time?

"Do you want me to call your team or Mira?" Bickslow asked in a worried voice.

Lucy shook her head no violently. That was the last thing she needed. To be asked a hundred questions about asshole or her team tracking him down and fileting him like a fish.

She heard Bickslow let out a heavy sigh. She didn't know why he was even here to be honest. Plus he wasn't being a pervert, but right now she was just thankful that he was keeping his goddamn mouth shut. Lucy looked at her door and said in a cracked voice, "I don't want to be here."

Bickslow nodded then took her hand. She flinched from the sudden contact of bare skin touching hers, but then his Babies took the place of his hand and she followed them down the stairs. The rain hadn't let up and Lucy couldn't tell for certain, but it seemed to have picked up and was practically raining sideways now, but she didn't care.

"This is going to be a bitch to walk through," Bickslow said grimly before he asked, "Will you trust me?"

Trust. It was a funny thing. The concept seemed easy, but it was a double edged sword. Logically you could trust a person to only have them break it. The same went for the heart.

Lucy realized she hadn't responded when Bickslow said, "Walking it is."

She knew she probably looked like a fucking idiot and pathetic when she reached out and grabbed the sleeve to his coat and whispered, "I'll trust you."

"I'll have to pick you up. Is that ok?" Bickslow asked hesitantly.

Lucy didn't like the idea of being touched by a man, but she noticed that her body had started shaking form the cold. She could feel that it was cold but it was almost like her mind wasn't registering it. Logically she knew she needed to get out of the rain or she'd get sick. Not that it mattered.

"Trust. Trust." Bickslow's Babies said gently to her.

She just nodded her head and Bickslow quickly grabbed her and hopped on his babies to get them out of the storm.

* * *

Lucy stood inside a renovated loft that had been turned into an apartment. The walls were an old brick and the floors were a dark stained wood. There was soft track lighting and to the wall that Lucy faced directly wasn't a wall at all; the loft had one side that was nothing but a huge window that looked down on the usually busy market of Magnolia. A modern kitchen was to her left that had small stairs leading up on one side to a loft area. To her right was a living room, with a foosball table.

"Where are we?" Lucy asked after Bickslow offered to take her rain jacket.

"My place. I would have taken you to Evergreen's but she went on a mission with Elfman," Bickslow stated.

Lucy had no idea that Bickslow would have such nice taste, especially since he wore such absurd clothing. It was a modern and sexy bachelor pad look. However, she felt a little ridiculous when Bickslow said, "I'll show you where the bathroom is. Virgo can bring you some clothes and stuff right or do I need to get some of mine?"

"How do you know Virgo does that?" Lucy suddenly asked, even though she felt like a pathetic child that basically Bickslow had to remind her that she should probably get out of her wet clothes.

"Your magic isn't entirely different from mine," Bickslow said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Lucy just nodded at the basic explanation and headed to his bathroom. Once she was in there, she just stood there not really sure what to do. He had a huge shower that was incased in pristine glass.

Virgo had briefly popped out to give her some toiletries for the night and pajamas. The Maid Spirit didn't say anything and Lucy could tell that Virgo was worried about her, but Lucy didn't have to guts to look at her friend. She knew if she did then she'd lose it again.

"Thank you, Virgo," Lucy whispered as she began to remove her wet clothes.

"Of course, Hime," Virgo replied warmly as she took Lucy's wet clothes and went back to the Celestial Realm.

Lucy stood naked in Bickslow's bathroom now and shook from the chill as her wet feet touched the cool tile. She grabbed her things and turned his shower on. Normally she would be ecstatic because Bickslow had an amazing shower and his house was beyond cool, but right now she couldn't find the energy to care.

She turned the heat up as much as she could bear and tried to wash her sorrows down the drain with the shower water. But it didn't work.

"Why?" Lucy sobbed out as her knees collapsed to the shower floor.

Her heart had never felt so much pain as an empty feeling in her body welled up to the point that it made it hard to breathe. How could she have been so stupid? Had she meant anything to him at all?

* * *

Bickslow was leaning against his kitchen counter with a deep scowl on his face. His Babies were silent for now, but he could feel their pain still. It's how he even found Lucy to begin with, his Babies had never led him to a soul before that was still alive in so much pain and suffering, then when he had seen it was Lucy—he just about lost his damn control.

He could feel Lucy's soul as though it were his own, with the amount of pain that radiated off of it. He had no idea what had happened to her. Her team had been babbling all week about her being sick. Where the hell was her precious fiancé?

A light appeared in Bickslow's kitchen and Loke stood before him. Bickslow looked at him and asked, "Care to explain what the hell is going on?"

Loke looked pained and angry before he let out a heavy sigh and replied, "You are the first person she has allowed to help her."

"Help her with what? Her soul is in so much...pain," Bickslow whispered out so that Lucy wouldn't overhear them.

"She caught him cheating on her," Loke spat out.

"What?!" Bickslow yelled, but then calmed down because he didn't want to scare Lucy, "Is he stupid?"

"Yes," Loke muttered, "She...she went through too much with him. I don't want to break her trust by telling you, but I thought I should tell you some of what happened so that you don't bring up his name."

Bickslow nodded in understanding before Loke admitted, "I've felt so fucking useless for two years as I watched her self-esteem plummet. He was cruel and manipulative to her. He took advantage of her kindness and her ability to forgive, plus used her body whenever he saw fit. I know we've never really gotten along before Bickslow, but thank you for finding her, and please don't tell anyone else until she is ready."

Loke went back to the Celestial Realm and Bickslow was even more confused and angry. Just what the hell had that asshole done to Cosplayer? She was amazing and most men would give their left arm to call her their fiancé. Sure Bickslow never really wanted to get married, but if he ever did then he'd want it to be someone like Lucy...but she was too good for him. It pissed him off knowing that she got her heartbroken by some asshole who didn't deserve her.

He needed a beer.

Just as he was pulling one out of his fridge, his Babies shot up and began to hover around the kitchen near the bathroom.

"What are you guys doing?" Bickslow asked before he took a long swig of his Guinness.

 _"Pain,"_  they said quietly in his head.

Bickslow's scowl deepened then his Babies twirled around when the bathroom door opened. He felt a pang in his chest, because Lucy looked like a mixture of misery and hopelessness. Her troubled soul clouded his mind and the pain was practically choking him.

He watched as Poppo moved and slid under Lucy's hand. It reminded him of how a cat would rub up against someone that they liked. His Babies had never reacted this way or been this affectionate to anyone.

Bickslow cleared his throat and asked Lucy, "Can I make you some tea?"

Her big brown eyes that were bloodshot from tears looked at him. "Sure," was the only reply he got.

"Do you like chamomile?" Bickslow asked Lucy as he watched his Babies lead her over to one of the bar stools.

She just nodded her head, so that's what he pulled out of the counter for her. He thanked Freed for being a pansy ass, since the Rune Mage had kept some tea in his cupboard for when he would visit.

He glanced over at Lucy who was just staring absentmindedly at the counter while his Babies remained close. Bickslow wasn't sure what he should do entirely. Why had Lucy let him help her but not her own team? They had only had a teasing relationship and he joked with her about her outfits, but he supposed that stopped once she got engaged. Everyone had been so happy for her. Well almost everyone—he didn't really like her now ex.

Once the tea was ready, Bickslow asked, "Do you want any honey or anything? This stuff smells like hay so it probably tastes like shit."

His eyes widened when he heard Lucy chuckle slightly and she answered, "Honey would be great."

He grinned at her and got some honey and a spoon for her. It was after 11 pm and he didn't know if Lucy had eaten anything, because she seemed to be pretty out of it. He finished off his beer and asked, "Are you hungry? Do you need anything?"

"I'm not hungry," Lucy whispered sadly.

Bickslow frowned again. Seeing Lucy like this sucked. If he ever saw that asshole again, it would be hard not to punch that fucktard in the face.

Finally Bickslow said, "Well I'm going to hop in the shower too. If you need anything, help yourself. My Babies can show you where I keep everything."

Lucy smiled faintly at him, before he took his helmet off. He watched as her eyes went to it on the counter. He wasn't sure why she was so interested in it, but he teased a little and said, "You can wear it if you want."

He hadn't been serious at all and his mouth almost fell open when Lucy reached over for it and put it on her head. Then he watched as his Babies chimed soothingly to Lucy, "Safe. Safe."

He watched as Lucy tried to fight back tears. He could see her lip quivering under the too large for her helmet as she tried to sip her tea. Then he just decided to head to the bathroom before he lost it. Seeing Lucy cry so openly about her heartache was tearing him apart. He stripped down and got into the shower. He nearly punched the tile wall as he swore that bastard's name under his breath.

* * *

Lucy heard the shower turn on and the tears started to fall harder. What was she doing here? She had no right to burden Bickslow like this. That's all she was to everyone. She was never good enough.

"Bickslow doesn't see you as a burden," Pappa whispered to Lucy as though the totem knew what she was thinking.

"You're a friend," Puppu added.

"Cosplayer is safe here," Peppe said before the totem rested in her lap.

"Bickslow won't judge you for crying," Poppo admitted.

"Safe," was all Pippi added.

Lucy sobbed harder and released the pain she had been suppressing. The helmet made her feel safe, like she could hide from the pain. Bickslow's Babies...it was like they could feel her sorrow as she picked up Peppe off of her lap and hugged the totem close to her while the others hovered around her to shield her from the world.

* * *

Bickslow didn't shower for very long. He was too concerned about Lucy. He didn't want to hover though, because she probably didn't want to talk about what happened.

He towel dried his hair and put on a black t-shirt and athletic shorts before he went out to check on Lucy. He stopped in his tracks when he saw that his Babies had taken her over to the living room area and Pippi and Puppu were draping a blanket over Lucy's shoulders while Pappa and Poppo were arguing about what movie they should watch. Peppe was letting Lucy hold him like a doll in her arms.

Bickslow just walked over and sat down on the couch with her. Neither of them said anything to each other, because nothing needed to be said as they all watched a movie together to distract Lucy from her pain.


	2. Chapter 2

Lucy slowly opened her eyes. She winced a little because her eyes felt so painful and she could tell that they were swollen. Her head was pounding too and she noticed that she must have taken Bickslow's helmet off sometime in the night. She didn't know if she was feeling sick from being out in the rain or if her body was just shutting down from depression.

However, she couldn't help but let out a faint smile when Pappa floated up in front of her face and said, "Good morning Cosplayer!"

"Morning," Lucy whispered out hoarsely, before she let out a struggled cough.

Lucy realized that it was the first time that she slept somewhat ok since her ex had left her. What kind of fucking idiot tries to break up like a coward after she was the one that caught him in a lie? She knew he said it before she did, because she was going to do it anyways, just so he could probably hold one more thing over her. Just so she couldn't have the satisfaction in knowing that she got to say the words. Either way, she knew that she had ended it too. The conversation of their ending still echoed in her mind…

" _I just can't do this anymore Lucy, you never let me have any freedom! We are done!"_

" _You're damn right we are done! Like hell I would stay with you after I caught you cheating AGAIN and you lied AGAIN!"_

" _Well maybe I wouldn't have cheated if you were more fun!"_

Her chest began to ache again from the memory and she put her hand up to her heart because it was starting to ache painfully again. She had barely been awake for five minutes and she was already trying to fight back sobs from the past few day's events. It was a strange feeling. She had talked to him every day for two years and now he was just gone. Like it had all been a terrible nightmare.

"It's ok Cosplayer," Peppe whispered to her because he had never left her arms all night long.

Lucy began to sob harder as Bickslow's Babies crowded around her. She could feel all five of them gently touching her in some way as though to show her that she wasn't so alone in this world. But that is what she felt…completely and utterly alone…and terrified.

* * *

Bickslow had been standing in the kitchen making some coffee when he felt his Babies stir and Pappa wished Lucy a good morning. He already felt a surge of her pain through her soul and let out a low sigh, because he felt so useless. All night long he could hear her whimper in her sleep and his Babies kept soothing her back into a seemingly restless slumber until it started again.

The rain had continued to pour down all night and hadn't let up. He actually enjoyed rainy days like this usually, because it means he could just chill at home and relax. He didn't have to go anywhere or put on his armor. He could just be himself.

Just as he was taking a sip of his coffee, he heard Peppe whisper to Lucy, "It's ok Cosplayer." Bickslow nearly broke the coffee mug in his hands when he heard Lucy's painful sobs.

After a few minutes, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to distract her or he would hunt down this mother fucker and see how many different ways he could beat the shit out of him. He walked up behind the couch and the scene he saw before him brought tears to his own eyes. He quickly wiped them away but couldn't help but still be moved by the love his Babies were showing towards Lucy. They were each touching her in some way to make her feel safe. Peppe was still in her arms, Pappa was leaning against her forehead, Pippi was resting on her hip, Puppu was resting against her shins, and Poppo was leaning against her back. It was like they were trying to surround her in every way that they could.

Bickslow cleared his throat which made Lucy widen her eyes when he asked, "Hey Cosplayer, are you hungry?"

He watched as Lucy's lip quivered a little before she whispered, "I'm not hungry."

It was close to 9 a.m. and he knew Lucy hadn't eaten anything here last night so she had at least gone almost twelve hours without eating, but Bickslow had the suspicion that it had been longer than that. "When was the last time you ate?" Bickslow asked as he gently pressed his knuckles into the back of his sectional couch.

He waited a few moments before Lucy finally answered, "I'm not sure."

"Fuck," Bickslow grumbled to himself so that Lucy wouldn't hear. Then he asked, "If I make you some oatmeal, will you try to take a few bites? You need to eat something."

"I'll just throw it back up," Lucy admitted to him.

This was so much worse than Bickslow had realized. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was starving herself when he asked, "Cosplayer, are you making yourself sick!?"

"No," Lucy said sadly and she finally sat up, his Babies sliding off but staying near her, "When I tried to eat the other day…I just got so sad that it made me feel sick and then when I started crying I threw up."

"The other day?" Bickslow said in disbelief, "You haven't eaten for a few days?"

"Yeah," Lucy admitted in shame, "Besides…I needed to lose the weight anyways."

Bickslow's eyes widened in horror when he asked in an aggravated tone, "What do you mean you needed to lose the weight?! You are tiny enough as it is, except those massive tits and your sweet ass."

"Bickslow!" Pappa yelled at him before he butted his head with his totem body.

However, Bickslow wasn't going to be deterred when he demanded to know, "Did that asshole tell you that?"

He watched as Lucy flinched from the question, but she remained silent. That was more than enough of an answer for Bickslow. He was about to murder this fucktard. He could sense his Babies' anger too and then Bickslow leaned down on the couch, he knew Lucy wouldn't look at him because she was clearly embarrassed by it all, so he simply stated, "Cosplayer, you listen to me…You. Are. Not. Fat. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. You deserve better than some asshole who can't see what he has. Now I am going to make you some oatmeal, will you eat a few bites to keep your strength up?"

Lucy just nodded, but Bickslow knew that this conversation would continue later. What else had this asshole done or said to her? Loke hadn't been wrong and Bickslow understood why the Zodiac Leader now felt helpless, although he was surprised that Loke hadn't intervened…but then maybe he couldn't because it was clear that Lucy was in love with that jackass that hurt her. Maybe she just wasn't ready to see him for what he was at the time. Either way, Bickslow kind of felt like shit. Had anyone really known what this guy did to Lucy? She had always seemed so happy…or was she just really good at hiding her pain from the world?

Bickslow sat about making breakfast. He knew he needed more than oatmeal, so he quickly chopped up some spinach, mushrooms, and onions so he could make himself an omelet. While he was prepping the ingredients, Lucy had gotten up and walked over to see what he was doing. He looked up to meet her curious gaze and asked, "Do you want an omelet? You are probably starving after not eating for days."

"No, oatmeal will be fine," Lucy whispered before she asked, "Bickslow…you can cook?"

"Uhhh…yes…what kind of man lives alone and can't cook?" Bickslow snorted out in amusement.

When Lucy blinked in surprise then when her face immediately turned sad, Bickslow knew his answer. He pointed his spatula at her and teased, "Cosplayer, let me show you what a real man can do."

Lucy just watched in marvel and Bickslow's Babies continued to hover around her. Peppe remained in her lap and then as Lucy watched Bickslow cook them breakfast she asked, "Bickslow, after I eat something…do you have any pain reliever?"

"Yes I do, but that means you need to eat enough that it won't upset your stomach," Bickslow replied then motioned his head for Pappa to get Lucy some medicine.

Lucy agreed then watched as Bickslow chopped up an apple and put it in her oatmeal for her. She thanked him when he slid the bowl to her and looked down at it. Even though she still didn't feel that hungry, she was thankful that he took the time to make it for her. He clearly knew that she wouldn't be able to eat a lot so it wasn't a heaping bowl of food, then when she took her first bite her eyes grew wide. It was absolutely delicious. It wasn't overly sweet like some people liked it, nor was it nasty and tasteless. It was perfect and the warmth of it spread throughout her body. She couldn't remember the last time that someone had made her food.

"Bickslow," Lucy said as he took a seat next to her with his own breakfast, "This is delicious."

He let out an amused snort and replied, "It's just oatmeal Cosplayer, besides you are probably just so hungry that anything would taste good."

"That's not true. I haven't been able to eat anything without it making me sick. This doesn't make me feel sick," she admitted as she munched on one of the cut up apples.

"Well I'm glad my food doesn't make you want to run to the bathroom and puke," Bickslow chuckled.

Lucy smiled too because she realized how her words had probably sounded, but she knew that Bickslow understood what she had meant. Then Lucy looked towards the window and saw that the rain was still pouring down. She realized though that she had no desire to leave and yet…she didn't want to bother Bickslow. She had no right to dump her personal problems onto him.

Then much to Lucy's surprise, Poppo said, "Cosplayer, you can spend the day here with us."

Lucy blinked at the Babies as the twirled around in excitement and Pippi added, "We always stay home on rainy days and you will be safe here."

Lucy looked down sadly, because she didn't want to be a burden. Then Bickslow spoke up and said, "They are right. You can chill here with us today. You don't have to worry about people bothering you, because no one would even think to look for you here."

"I don't want to burden you though…I'm sure you have things you need to do. Or what about your own team?" Lucy stated as she finished her oatmeal.

"My team are all doing something else today, besides they know I don't like leaving my place on rainy days. You aren't a burden to me or my Babies. You can vent all you like or you can sit in silence all day; either way, you shouldn't be alone," Bickslow admitted in a firm tone as he grabbed her bowl and went to wash the dishes.

"I won't hurt myself; if that is what you are worried about," Lucy said sadly, because Bickslow had thought earlier that she was making herself sick.

"That's not what I was worried about. I am more worried that you hadn't eaten in days. So just relax here for a day ok? There will be no pressure about anything or stress," Bickslow told her.

"No stress! No stress!" the Babies chanted.

"Ok," Lucy whispered back in relief.

She felt so drained because her mind just wouldn't seem to shut off. While Bickslow was cleaning up, Lucy went over to a comfy looking chair by the window to watch the outside world. There was hardly anyone at the market because of the torrential downpour, then her eyes caught ahold of a couple walking under an umbrella together. They looked so happy. Why couldn't she have what they had? All she wanted was to love and be loved in return. Why was it that the person she fell in love with didn't love her back the way he was supposed to? What was wrong with her? What did other girls have that she didn't?

* * *

Bickslow had just put away a dish when he felt his chest tighten with pain, but it wasn't his pain he was feeling—it was Lucy's again.

Pappa flew up next to him and whispered, "Help her snap out of the thoughts. Her soul is crying out for help."

Bickslow didn't know what to do when he looked over at Lucy and saw her staring out the window. How could somebody so sad still look so beautiful? Then he thought about what Lucy had said earlier about her weight. Clearly this guy fucked her up.

He walked over to her and asked, "Do you want a drink or anything?"

"No thank you. I should probably leave, I don't want to bother you," Lucy admitted, her voice barely a whisper, as Bickslow took a seat in the leather chair across from her.

Bickslow's Babies looked like they wanted to kick his ass as they flew up and down angrily behind Lucy. Bickslow just cleared his throat and said, "Look Cosplayer, we both know you don't want to go home. We both know you shouldn't be alone. It's safe here and you already said you'd stay."

Bickslow felt helpless and angry as Lucy burst out into tears and began to hyperventilate. He hated it when girls cried, but this was even worse. He knew all too well the internal mental battle that Lucy was struggling with. He just never thought his past would help him like this.

He watched as Peppe rested himself into Lucy's lap again and watched as Lucy latched onto the totem and held Peppe close. When was the last time Lucy had someone hug her?

Pappa hovered next to his ear and whispered, "Tell her. She won't tell anyone."

Bickslow wasn't sure. He had never told anyone before, not even his team. He probably wasn't the best to give advice, but maybe his past would help Lucy now.

"Cosplayer, if you need to talk I'll listen," Bickslow finally said.

After several minutes of silence and Lucy crying uncontrollably, she finally blurted out, "I just feel so stupid. I'm scared to talk about it because I was just so fucking dumb."

"You are not stupid for falling in love or being a way better girlfriend than that asshole deserved," Bickslow grunted.

He saw that Lucy flinched a little, so he checked his brain and was relieved that he didn't use his name. He could feel his Babies practically mentally strangling him to continue, so he added, "Look Lucy, I was in an abusive relationship before too. I don't know everything that you are going through because everyone has different experiences, but I'm sure I can relate to some of what you are feeling and I promise not to tell anyone what you've gone through."

Bickslow remained quiet because he knew Lucy was thinking about his offer. It was scary letting people in after someone betrayed you. Then his eyes widened when she looked at him and gave him a pained smile before she stated, "You used my name."

"To show you I was being sincere," Bickslow added with a grin making Lucy laugh a little.

Then Lucy looked at him and asked, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but could you tell me some of what happened to you?"

Bickslow took a deep breath. It had been a long time since he went down this road, but if it would help Lucy then he didn't mind. He probably would have told anyone else to fuck off, but he knew Lucy would keep his secret, just like Pappa said.

"When I was younger, I was with a girl that used me to get what she wanted. She only wanted to go out when she wanted to, she only wanted to show affection when she wanted to, and later I found out that she had been seeing other guys while she had been seeing me," Bickslow admitted.

He could see the pain and understanding in Lucy's eyes. Then he cleared his throat and added, "When I called her out on it, she called me pathetic and multiple other insults. The one that hurt the worst though was when she called me a sick psychopath because of my magic."

"Bicks, I'm so sorry," Lucy whispered to him. She watched as his hands clenched together and she felt bad for making him remember.

"I'm better now. I know that there is nothing wrong with me or my magic. The problem was her. That doesn't mean she didn't fuck me up a lot at the time," Bickslow stated as he leaned back in his chair.

"It's why he wears armor," Pippi chirped.

"What the hell, traitor?!" Bickslow yelled at Pippi and threw the chair's pillow at the totem.

"Like Erza," Lucy whispered, "You wear armor to protect yourself."

Bickslow just sighed and nodded his head before he said, "She's got more of a reason to than me. I wasn't beaten or tortured as a kid, but it helped me heal. I was afraid to let people in again. People are scared of me because of my magic, so I started wearing the helmet because at first all I could think was that everybody else saw me the way she did. I still push people away and am rarely serious, but for the most part I never think about her anymore."

"But you still do?" Lucy asked.

"It's hard not to after someone was a big part of your life. Certain songs that play, certain places we went together. Not all of our relationship was terrible, there were times were I felt the happiest I had ever felt, but those good times are far fewer than the bad times," Bickslow admitted to her.

Lucy gave a short nod in understanding before Bickslow asked, "Lucy, have you told anyone else what he did or said?"

"N-no," Lucy cried, "I was too afraid. I knew they would tell me to leave him, but I loved him and I thought he would change. That's why I feel so stupid. My gut kept telling me that he would just keep hurting me and he did. There were so many times when I wanted to scream for help, but then he'd start being nice again and I thought this time would be different."

Bickslow took a deep breath and told her, "Lucy, that's mental abuse."

"I know, I read up on it a little and when I brought it up to him and showed him proof that how he was behaving was inappropriate and we should get counseling...h-he...h-he..." Lucy began to sob harder. The pain in her chest was overwhelming. She felt so raw right now in front of Bickslow. What if he hurt her too? What if he told people? Then like an answer to her prayer, Pappa and Puppu rested on her shoulders while Peppe stayed in her lap.

"Let me guess, he turned it back around on you and tried to blame you for it all?" Bickslow asked, trying to hide his anger.

Lucy nodded and added, "He said if I didn't nag him so much then he wouldn't get so mad. Then he'd make me feel like shit because he'd say things like, 'No wonder we are miserable, you clearly think I'm the worst person in the world—maybe you're the abusive and manipulative one.'"

If Bickslow thought it would get through to that asshole, then he would have stormed right to that guy's guild and beat the shit out of that lowlife motherfucker. He could feel his Babies' anger too but guys like this would never understand.

Bickslow took a deep breath before he firmly said, "Lucy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are not manipulative. You are the kindest person I have ever met and you are better off without that jackass."

"You're right," Lucy cried, "But the things he did and said...they still hurt Bickslow."

"I know they do, but you are strong—whether you realize it or not," Bickslow said in a lowered voice.

Lucy's pain and cries filled the apartment. Bickslow gave her some space as his Babies crowded around Lucy. He was still amazed at how sensitive they were to her needs. Plus he was shocked at how he opened up and was actually serious in front of her. He had never talked to anyone like that before. It made him feel vulnerable and a little scared too. But then he smiled a little when he noticed Lucy starting to nod off from exhaustion. He grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch and went over to put it on her.

He watched as she whimpered a little when the blanket covered her, but then she relaxed into the warmth. He and his Babies could still feel her pained soul crying out for help, even as she slept.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Why are you such a pathetic bitch?" he snapped at her._

_Lucy felt like a shell of a person as she crumbled to the ground sobbing._

_"Oh great here comes the water works!" he said mockingly, "I don't know how I ended up in a relationship with such a stupid and completely dependent person. All you do is cry and you sound like a fucking psychopath. All you do is play the victim card! Stop crying you pathetic piece of shit!"_

_"Stop," Lucy whispered out between sobs._

_"You are such a child! Your neighbors and landlady probably think you are fucking insane! Grow the fuck up already!" he shouted at her._

_"Stop yelling at me and stop calling me names," Lucy cried out as her chest heaved from pain. She just wanted it to stop. She just wanted the pain to stop._

_"I'm done! You can go fuck off! Anything is better than being stuck here with a girl as pathetic as you!" he yelled at her, completely ignoring her pleas for a cease fire._

_Lucy ran to her closet, she had no idea where else to go as she pinned her back against the corner and scooted towards the back. Pain…pain was all she felt. She took the knife that she had hidden in one of her shoeboxes out and began to sob harder as she looked at the sharp edges of the blade. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she dragged the cold metal across the soft flesh of her of her forearm. Then for a split second, everything felt ok—so she dragged the blade across her forearm once more._

" _WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU INSANE!? YOUR TEAMMATE IS A DRAGON SLAYER, HE WILL SMELL THE BLOOD ON YOU ON YOUR MISSION TOMORROW! YOU ARE A FUCKING PHYSCOPATH!" He screamed at her._

_She could smell the alcohol on his breath when he reached into the closet and slammed her shoulders back against the wall. The thrust of his shove was so powerful that her head slammed into corner and she dropped the blade onto the ground._

" _DON'T TOUCH ME!" she cried at him as she slapped his hand away and tried to stand._

" _You stupid, bitch! Don't assault me or I will call the Rune Knights and everyone will find out how fucking messed up you really are!" he shouted as he slammed her back down onto the ground._

_"I SAID STOP!" Lucy screamed at the vision._

* * *

"Cosplayer, wake up!" Bickslow shook her.

Lucy shot awake and saw Bickslow's concerned eyes staring at her with his Babies floating around her. Her body was trembling and she was covered in sweat. Tears ran down her face as she tried to gasp for air and fight back the panic attack that was starting to surface.

"It was just a dream," Bickslow whispered to her.

Lucy's final dam broke and everything she had holding back burst free, "It wasn't just a dream Bicks, he did those things and he said those things to me and I let it happen. I am pathetic, because I let someone else control me. I allowed him to continue to hurt me."

Bickslow's heart broke when he saw Lucy's pained soul through his Babies' eyes. It was fractured and broken and barely hanging on. He reached out for her and pulled her into a hug and instead of her resisting like he thought she would, she melted and began to cry harder.

"Everything will be ok," Bickslow whispered.

"It won't, it won't, it won't," Lucy repeated frantically.

"Why do you say that?" Bickslow whispered back, trying to mask his own pain, "You can focus on you now. You can love yourself and see how amazing you really are. You don't need an asshole like him."

"That's just it...I don't know how to love myself. I don't even know who I am anymore," Lucy cried in despair, "He took so much from me."

Bickslow held onto Lucy tighter as she broke apart in his arms. He tried to wipe away his own tears so that she wouldn't notice, because he understood why she was keeping this from her team. Unless you had been abused by a significant other then there was no way of really understanding how fucked up your mind actually felt at times.

Instead of giving her some speech about how there a plenty of fish in the sea and everything would be cupcakes and rainbows, he pulled away and tried to look into her sad brown eyes before he stated honestly, "Lucy, this is going to be hard as fuck and it's going to suck massive balls."

Lucy's big brown eyes finally met his and he saw a small spark of hope before he continued, "Ignore everyone who tells you to just get over him, because it's going to be a lot harder than that and you already know it. It's not a normal breakup; you will miss him, you will want to talk to him, and for fucks sake for a while you will even still love that piece of shit. You will even questions yourself for a while and wonder at what you could have done better and even though you know in your heart there is nothing else you could have done, because he is the one fucked up. And ya know what? That's ok."

"W-what?" Lucy blinked in surprise.

"By allowing yourself to recognize those feelings, it shows you that you  _ARE_  a good person. It shows that you tried and he fucked up. He was the screw up because he mistreated and walked out on someone who would never do that to him. Don't ever feel bad about loving someone who didn't deserve it. It just shows that you are capable of greater feelings than he will ever experience. He is a dumbass for not recognizing and protecting what he had," Bickslow said firmly.

Lucy just started to cry again as she rested her head on Bickslow's shoulders. She felt hopeless and like she'd never feel ok ever again. Her mind wouldn't slow down she just wanted all the pain to go away. She wished that she never would have met her ex.

Finally Lucy asked, "Bicks, what's wrong with me?"

He pulled away from her and even his Babies froze for a minute by the pained question. Then he asked, "Cosplayer, what do you mean?"

Lucy couldn't look at him when she whispered, "There must be something wrong with me right? Why else would someone let another person hurt them?"

"Oh Lucy," Bickslow sighed out, "Everything he did was him in the wrong, not you. There is nothing wrong with you other than maybe you are too forgiving and too damn nice for your own good."

Lucy's felt a sharp pain in her heart at Bickslow's honesty, but what he said didn't help. She just couldn't get out the bad memories from her mind. "How do I stop being nice then?" Lucy asked.

"Don't," Bickslow replied honestly, "It's who you are. You are a good person and good people should only get stronger, not change who they are."

"I don't feel strong though," Lucy admitted, "I feel…like there is no hope."

"There's always hope," Bickslow said and gave her knee a little nudge, "Don't you want to write a book or something?"

"How'd you know?" Lucy asked in shock.

"How would I not? Your team has the biggest mouths in the guild—you included sometimes," Bickslow teased her with a laugh.

Lucy blinked a few times then started to laugh too and wiped away the tears that had fallen down her face. "You're right," Lucy agreed, "On both parts."

"Well see then there is hope," Bickslow smiled and was glad when he could feel the heavy weight of her soul start to lift, "Who knows, maybe you could even write about this someday."

She blinked a few times before she asked, "About what?"

"About what you are going through. Think about all the other people out there who still feel as trapped as you felt? Maybe someday your words can help make them feel not afraid to leave," Bickslow stated.

Lucy had never thought of it like that when she replied, "But it would be scary. Exposing myself to that."

"True," Bickslow admitted, "It was just a suggestion."

Lucy nodded then smiled when Pippi rested on her shoulder. The rain was still coming down and even though there was a huge weight weighing down on her mind, she knew in that moment that she was safe. She looked at the man who had helped her and then looked at his sweet Babies; a huge surge of guilt washed over her before she admitted, "Bicks, I don't know how to look at my spirits."

Bickslow took a deep inhale before Lucy continued, "The dream I just had…one night was so bad that Loke forced his gate open and was about to beat the shit out of him—but I stopped Loke because I was in love. I feel like a terrible Celestial Mage. I let someone come in-between me and my closest friends. I feel like he alienated me from them and I let him. Why in the hell would I allow that?!"

The Seith Mage thought about Loke the night before and how the Lion Spirit admitted to him how helpless he felt. Lucy was falling in part in front of him and he didn't judge her at all; however, he knew other people would. He took another deep breath before he reached out to her and said, "Lucy, your spirits love you. They love you more than anything and I am sure that for the past two years, they wanted nothing more than to rescue you."

"I should have let them," Lucy sobbed and nuzzled deeper into Bickslow's embrace.

If he was being his normal pervy self, he would be ecstatic that Lucy Heartfilia was in his arms. However, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to look at her the same way again. She wasn't just some beautiful woman in his guild that he liked. She was real and he knew enough about their guild to know that if it got out on what actually went down between her and the fucktard—it would only make her life a living hell all that much longer. It would be an all-out war. Instead he cleared his throat and replied, "It's true that if you would have let them, then you probably would have escaped a lot of things. However, I am one of those people that believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and you, Lucy, are one of the strongest people I have ever met."

"I'm the weakest on my team," Lucy whimpered out.

Bickslow shook his head, "Not in my eyes. You are the reason there is a team. Your magic is harder to control because it requires building relationships and bonds, plus you have to think incredibly fast and analyze your opponents. You don't just punch or stab your way through everything with brute strength. You've lost both of your parents and have been tortured by god knows how many mages."

He felt Lucy flinch in his arms because he knew that her mind probably went to the twatcicle, so he just finished with, "You are so much stronger than you know, or even what he knows. You will be happy again. That I can promise you."

"It just all seems like a really bad dream and I don't know how I got to this point," Lucy admitted sadly.

Bickslow leaned back in the chair as his Babies crowded around them closer. Lucy continued to cry in his arms when he replied gently, "Everyone makes mistakes. Just focus on forgiving yourself, because I can guarantee that your Spirits have already forgiven you and just want you to be safe, happy, and healthy."

The two remained intertwined on the chair as the rain poured down onto Magnolia.

* * *

It was getting late into the evening and Lucy really appreciated everything Bickslow and his Babies were doing. They played some games to distract her, watched a lot of action movies because Lucy was afraid to watch anything else, and slowly snacked on food. Lucy was really enjoying her time and she felt even safer when Pappa informed her that she would be staying with them another night. She didn't want to be intrusive, because she hated putting people out—but Bickslow didn't seem to mind at all and just asked her what toppings she liked on pizza because he was going to have some delivered to them. Even though she still didn't have an appetite, he was insisting that she get a whole pizza that way she could have leftovers.

After Bickslow got done placing their pizza order, she looked at him and asked, "Hey Bicks, do you happen to have a bathtub or just the shower?"

"Just the shower," Bickslow answered as he came to sit next to her and his Babies, "Why?"

Lucy shrugged and admitted, "I thought a bath sounded nice. I know we haven't really done anything today, but I thought it would be relaxing."

Bickslow laughed a little and replied, "Yeah…sorry about that. I'm a dude that lives alone and no girl comes over here except for Evergreen."

"You don't bring other girls here?" she asked in surprise before she slipped out, "But Cana talked about hooking up with you a few times..."

Bickslow had just taken a drink of his beer and accidentally choked on it because of Lucy's sudden comment. "Ummm," Bickslow replied nervously, because he wasn't sure how they suddenly switched to talking about his relationship life, "When we do that, it is usually because of a drunken night in the guild and we never really make it anywhere except for a back alley."

Her face turned a deep shade of red before she apologized quickly, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to sound judge mental."

He just shrugged his shoulders before he grinned and said, "It's no biggie, Cosplayer. Good to know I have a sexy reputation with the ladies in the guild."

Lucy just rolled her eyes and replied with a laugh, "I never said that."

"A man can dream," Bickslow added with an amused laugh.

She couldn't help but laugh too. It felt good, even though her heart ached terribly. Then before anything else could be said between the two, a large lightning bolt hit outside the street below Bickslow's flat.

"Fuck," Bickslow muttered.

Lucy's eyes widened in fear as Bickslow's Babies swirled around rapidly before Bickslow jumped up and said, "Cosplayer, there is no use in hiding because he will smell you in an instant."

"W-who?" Lucy asked in a terrified voice. The room felt like it was getting smaller and her breaths were getting shorter and more sporadic.

"Laxus," Bickslow admitted just as there was a knock on the door.

Pippi gently landed in Lucy's lap so that she could clutch onto the totem just as Pappa floated in front of her and said in a calm reassuring voice, "Cosplayer is safe. Laxus is nice. Bickslow will keep you safe."

Lucy began to shake terribly just as Bickslow opened his door to see the leader of his team. He could feel Lucy's soul trembling and his Babies ready to defend her, which he thought was very interesting since his Babies had technically known Laxus much longer. However, he wasn't prepared for the quizzical look that Laxus was giving him. Then the large Dragon Slayer's eyes went to Lucy on the couch behind Bickslow.

Bickslow cleared his throat and asked, "What's up, man?"

Laxus looked down at him before his eyes darted back to Lucy. He knew that Laxus surely must sense Lucy's fear before the blonde man asked, "Can I come in?"

"Now's not really a good time," Bickslow stated as he put his arm across the entrance to his door.

Laxus arched his brow before he looked at Lucy and said, "Your team is looking for you and they called Eve to find out if you were at Blue Pegasus, but he said he hasn't been able to find you either. The whole guild in an uproar and we are organizing search parties to find you, it's why I came here to grab Bicks. What the hell are you doing here, Blondie? Eve is worried about you."

Pain. Pain was all Bickslow felt from Lucy's soul when Laxus finally said  _ **his**_  name. He heard her break out into tears just as Pappa yelled at Laxus, "GET OUT!"

Laxus looked taken aback when Bickslow grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him into the hallway. "Dude, get your ass back to the guild and call of the search. She is fine and she is safe," Bickslow replied angrily because he couldn't stand the pain he was feeling coming from Lucy. His Babies were in full panic mode trying to calm her down.

"What the fuck is going on, Bicks?" Laxus asked in utter confusion and concern, "Are you two hooking up? Did she cheat on Eve with you?"

Bickslow just sighed heavily. He wished he could tell his best friend what was up, but Laxus would probably storm into Blue Pegasus and beat Eve to a bloody pulp if he knew what had happened. However, he would never betray Lucy's trust. The Seith Mage just looked at his best friend and admitted, "Look, I can't tell you what is going on. However, I swear on my life that Lucy is safe, but nobody can know she is here. And no…we are not hooking up. She just needs a place to stay."

"Why?" Laxus asked.

"Can you just trust me?" Bickslow pleaded, "I beg you."

Laxus took a deep breath before he asked, "What exactly am I supposed to tell the guild and Eve?"

"Can't you just tell them that she went shopping somewhere? Like Akane?" Bickslow begged.

The Dragon Slayer looked back at Bickslow's closed door before he nodded his head in agreement and said, "Fine, but I'll expect an explanation later."

Bickslow didn't say anything as Laxus walked away to hopefully get the guild, Eve, and Lucy's team sorted out. Just as his friend left, Bickslow ran back inside to find Lucy curled up in a ball on his couch crying hysterically. His Babies were trying to soothe her, but Bickslow's heart broke because of the blonde's anguish. He went and knelt down on the floor and he didn't care if he had to wait there on the floor all night, he wanted Lucy to know that she was not alone. However, he was beyond pissed. How dare Eve act like he was concerned for Lucy. Bickslow didn't know how yet, but he knew that he would never let Eve take advantage of Lucy ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter gets extremely dark and emotionally/physically abusive. If you or a loved one has never been in a relationship with a true narcissistic person then Lucy’s actions will not make sense to you. The term narcissistic is thrown around very loosely in today’s society. However, there are true people out there with this disorder and unless that narcissistic wants and seeks help, then NOBODY can help them because they do not think they are wrong. They use people until they have no further use for them.**

**If you feel like you are dealing with one, please seek professional help immediately because your life matters too.**

**Also…**

**I apologize for any typos, as you are probably aware...I’ve updated A LOT today and have been struggling with an illness.**

**Please enjoy and remember to comment!**

* * *

 

It was an incredibly long night for Bickslow and Lucy. It took nearly two hours for his guild mate to calm down enough before she’d let anyone, even his Babies, touch her. Hearing Eve’s name triggered her to a point that Bickslow was ready to call Laxus back and tell him to go whoop Eve’s ass so bad that the fucktard Trimen would never be able to sit again. The only bright side of the evening was that she did eat one slice of pizza, which was good with him, and then they had another marathon of action movies until she finally passed out from exhaustion.

 Luckily she was already asleep when he got a message from Laxus saying that the Guild had calmed down and were no longer looking for her, but Master assigned his team a mission and they would be leaving tomorrow for nearly two weeks. He swore to himself because he really didn’t want to leave Lucy in this condition. Maybe she could go with them somehow? He just really didn’t want to leave her alone with Eve clearly still lurking about and not telling people. He had to come up with something to help her.

* * *

 

Lucy’s head was throbbing when she woke up. Last night felt like such a blur and she felt like pathetic trash because she couldn’t keep her shit together when Laxus said Eve’s name. What the hell was she supposed to do at the Guild when the many onslaught of questions were asked on where Eve was? How was he doing? Why did they break up? Gods she didn’t even want to think about what the hell Mira would do or say once the word got out. She wanted to run away and never come back.

“Morning, Lucy,” Bickslow yawned from the kitchen.

“Morning! Morning!” Bickslow’s Babies chirped as they began to circle around her, Peppe making his way to her lap.

“Morning, everyone,” Lucy faintly smiled at all of them as she stroked Peppe’s wooden head.

“That’s beautiful,” Bickslow grinned at her as he served her up some oatmeal with apple again.

“What is?” Lucy asked in concern after she thanked him for the nourishment.

“That faint little smile of yours,” he stated smoothly, “We’ve been missing it.”

“Yes! Yes!” the Babies chirped, “Cosplayer’s smile is the best!”

Their energy was contagious and she couldn’t help the even bigger smile that escaped from her—at which the Babies began to cheer and Bickslow just laughed. She felt both a mixture of feeling safe and hollow all at the same time.

However, as she looked out the window with the rain still pouring down…she knew she’d eventually have to leave this safe space that Bickslow and his Babies had made for her.

* * *

 

After they were done eating, Bickslow took her dish from her before she could do anything with it and washed up. She noticed that the Babies got silent and something was off. She began to shake a little because a scowl started to set in on Bickslow’s face. She knew it…she knew she would be a fucking burden and he would kick her out eventually.

“Lucy,” Bickslow began slowly, “Laxus sent me a message last night.”

She tried to swallow, but she was also trying to fight back tears. All she could manage to get out was, “Oh?”

“The guild has calmed down looking for you but apparently Master Makarov wants me, Laxus, and Freed to go on a mission. They even sent word to Ever to meet up with us since she is out with Elfman.”

He looked at her with such empathy that she couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her face when he finished with, “We have to leave today.”

She couldn’t think of any words to say as she began sobbing. She had no right to be a burden to Bickslow but now she was going to be all alone with her thoughts and her team was going to pester her. She could feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming on when suddenly Bickslow and his Babies were wrapped around her.

He spoke so gently that everything felt ok in that brief moment before he whispered, “Do you want to come with us?”

“I-I…huh?” she asked in a sob.

“If you want, I can talk to Laxus. I’m sure he’ll be fine with it,” Bickslow encouraged, “Then you don’t have to be stuck here.”

She had never really thought about Bickslow’s scent before but something about it was so calming and suddenly she felt Poppo under her hand before she inquired, “Will they ask me a lot of questions?”

“Not if I ask them not to,” he reassured her.

“But my team…Bickslow…I don’t think I’m ready for a mission. I’ll probably get in the way,” she pointed out, “I have to face all this eventually.”

“I understand,” he said with a sad voice, “But the offer is there.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Anytime,” he added.

“When do you leave?” she asked.

“At Noon,” he sighed.

She looked at the clock and saw it was about 10:45, she gave him a halfhearted smile before she asked, “When will you be back?”

“Two weeks,” he replied grimly.

She tried to choke back the sob that had escaped from her chest and Bickslow pulled her closer again as the Babies tried to console her. He closed his eyes and held her close and he wanted nothing more than to be able to take away her pain so that she could go back to smiling.

* * *

 

She felt like a Zombie as she watched Bickslow get packed up and ready to go. He gave her a spare key to his loft and told her she could stay the night if she felt too scared to stay at her place and he reiterated several times that she was not going to be a burden.

Together as they left his loft, she began to wonder if she was making the right decision by staying behind. While she didn’t want to leave the safeness he had created for her, people would talk…she rarely went on missions with other teams, especially Laxus’s team. She felt like it would bring a lot more attention onto everything then just facing the world normally and pretending she was fine.

When they got to the part in the road, because Bickslow had to head to the train station, she couldn’t stop shaking. He looked at her and asked one more time, “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? We could leave right now, Virgo could bring you some clothes, or we could get you some on the way.”

“I’ll be fine,” she lied as tears began to fall.

Bickslow was about to grab her and hold her but then Macao, Wakaba, and Romeo walked by and yelled a hello to the two of them as the men were on their way to the train station too.

“Have a safe trip!” she tried to smile and walk away.

Then Bickslow grabbed her arm and asked, “Do you have a communications lacrima?”

She shook her head no, before he nodded and added, “I’ll contact you soon. Please be careful and come find me if things get too bad.”

She just nodded and then he had to leave. His Babies bid her farewell too and Pappa flew up to her and stated, “Lucy, we love you. Don’t hate yourself.”

She began to sob a little as the totem gave her a sweet head bump and flew away to catch up to Bickslow. She watched them walk away before she decided to finally head to her apartment and purge of everything that reminded her of Eve.

* * *

 

Bickslow held his hand up to his face to fight back tears. He didn’t want to force her to come, Lucy needed to learn to truly take care of herself. He just worried what would happen in the two weeks without him there checking on her and Fairy Tail acting like, well Fairy Tail, and not realizing someone is in pain. Or what that fucking prick Eve would do.

* * *

 

Lucy hadn’t even realized that after she got home, she had sat motionless on her couch for nearly two hours. The rain was still coming down and Bickslow was so faraway that it hurt. Luckily none of her team had stopped by because she was a mess. Hopefully after purging some stuff tonight, she’d feel better.

Once she finally got the mental strength to, she stood up and whispered, “Ok, let’s do this,” but then she froze when there was a knock at the door.

Her heart leapt in her chest for a second, because maybe Bickslow and the Babies were back, even though it was a silly wish. However, she quickly dashed over to the door and flung it open and her face immediately fell…Eve.

“W-what…” she began to whisper out in fear.

“Hey Lucy,” he greeted her in the sweet voice she had been missing even though she didn’t want to.

“Eve,” she choked out.

“Can I come in?” he asked her with a smile, “I was hoping we could talk.”

She said nothing and did nothing. Warning bells were going off inside her head and she wanted to slam the door in his stupidly perfect face. Finally she asked, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

She saw what appeared to be genuine pain in his eyes before he retorted, “I was hoping we could talk civilly. I want to help and miss you.”

Lies. It was a lie and she fucking knew it but she still stepped aside and allowed him in her home. He gave her a warm smile and added, “Thank you.”

He walked over and took a seat on her couch and looked around. She nervously fidgeted before she took a seat next to him and he began, “Your guild called me last night. Everyone was worried about you.”

She just looked at him and said nothing. When he saw he wasn’t going to get anywhere, he was more direct, “Where were you?”

“Like you care,” the words just flew out of her mouth.

The fake sadness appeared on his face before he lied, “Lucy, you know I do. You know I didn’t stop loving you just because we broke up.”

“And how many people have you told we have broken up?” she asked in a monotone voice. Warning bells were still ringing in her head to Lucy Kick him across the face and get him out of here.

“None,” he admitted, “I was hoping we could work some things out.”

“Like what?” she asked and anger began to surface in her voice, “Like you not hooking up with other girls? You screaming at me for no damn reason? For you not treating me like a person? I’ve got a list.”

Her eyes widened and she began to shake when he jumped up off the couch and pointed a finger in her face and began to yell, “See! I fucking knew you’d do this! You have to be such a bitch when I come over and try to work something out!!”

She felt like the voice that was about to defend her suddenly got lost in her throat somewhere as tears began to fall down her face. She tried to fight them back and wanted to run away.

Then before she could do anything, Eve was next to her again with his arms wrapped around her. Gods how she missed his embrace and she felt herself start to melt even though her mind was screaming at her to stop being pathetic and kick this loser’s ass.

“I’m so sorry, Baby,” his honeyed lies tried to soothe her, “I didn’t mean it.”

Suddenly his lips were on hers. It felt so euphoric and painful. Her mind was against it, but her body still craved him. What the fucking hell was wrong with her? She continued to cry but gave into the kiss.

“Gods, I’ve missed your body,” he groaned as he pinned her underneath him on the couch.

Her body. That’s all she was to him. A freaking piece of hot ass.

Finally she got the chance to pull her lips away and pleaded, “Please stop. I can’t do this.”

His fingers suddenly slid under her yoga pants and panties and his digits were in her wet core. He began to pump his fingers in her and replied, “You want this as much as I do and you know it.”

“No,” she cried and was cut off by his lips being on her again.

She didn’t know what to do. She felt weak and desperate and instead of fighting it, she began to cry and let him have his way with her…

* * *

 

Eve was still laying on the floor next to her naked. She felt so dirty and used. She was trying not to cry as she thought of Bickslow. He would hate her too when he found out what she did…

“Wow I needed that,” Eve said in a happy voice.

Finally she cleared her throat and asked, “So does this mean you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend again?”

She had no idea why she asked that. A part of her wanted to forgive him, why couldn’t they be happy? So many other people in the world could make it work, why couldn’t they? Her friends liked him and his liked her. What was wrong with them?

“Gods you really are fucking pathetic,” he sneered.

Her heart suddenly shattered as he got up and began to put his pants back on. “All I wanted was to have sex with you because I thought you missed me as much as I missed you. I didn’t come over here to get a goddamn lecture from you or propose.”

“That’s not what I meant…” Lucy tried to stay calm and hide the fact that she was hurt.

“Can’t we just have sex and it go nowhere? I’m not sure you are mentally stable enough to even be in a relationship with,” he spat out.

LIE. He was a fucking liar.

She stood up and wrapped a blanket around herself before she replied, “I said no and you ignored me.”

“You were wet like the little slut you are!” Eve yelled at her, “Don’t blame this on me! You probably wanted it more than me. I didn’t fucking rape you! Gods you are pathetic.”

“Get out and don’t come back,” she whispered, “If you do, I will tell everyone what you really are.”

He stormed up to her and she was ready to punch him in the face if he laid a hand on her before he spat out, “You won’t say a damn thing because you are the useless cunt. Everyone will know what a fucking psychopath you are.”

She wanted to slap him across the face but before she knew it, he had turned around and stormed out. She quickly ran over and locked the door before she fell down to the ground and began to drive heave for how pathetically useless and alone she felt.

In that moment, all she wanted to do was not exist anymore.

* * *

 

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